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ONE ACT PLAYS
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THE DRESSING ROOM Plot summary
SET TIME - present day
Script Sample - Bunny Bunny enters and Norman moves to the shelter of the screen; Bunny doesn’t notice him Ken Christ! What a first show! I’d need a bloody Ouija board to get in touch with that lot! They don’t appreciate talent. It’s just pearls before swine, Bunny love, pearls before swine! It’s the last time I play this hole! I just don’t need it, a whole week for three hundred quid, I don’t think so! I’ve played some dives but this! They don’t appreciate comedy! He goes to the mirror and freshens up his make-up Time’s not been good to you, Bunny love! Look at those lines! They’re frown lines - I try to keep smiling but there’s not much to smile about. He picks up a cigarette packet and takes one out, then remembers Can’t even bloody smoke inside! You’re a persecuted minority, Bunny love, being a smoker, destined to spend the rest of your life in the rain catching bloody pneumonia while having a bit of a smoke! It’s not like it used to be, now that’s a sign of getting old, Bunny love, gone are the days of smoky clubs where you could hardly see the third row, where you could cut the smoke with a knife, and there were half-pissed punters making leery remarks, God bless them! (Still to his reflection) You were young and slim then, you used to be appreciated, regularly, you used to get offers, and you even took some of them up! Who are you trying to kid, you never refused anyone! That was in the halcyon pre-Aids days, when you didn’t have a care in the world. Do you remember that one punter at the Black Cat Club who was absolutely hammered and was totally convinced that you were a woman? God knows what he’d been drinking! Big ugly brute he was, he kept crying, said his wife didn’t understand him! We ended up outside the club and he started kissing and pawing me! Next thing, down went his trousers, and down went his hand until … he stopped for a moment, sort of feeling about, and then he gave a little scream and ran like hell! His bare white bottom wobbling as he ran and tried to pull his trousers up! Happy days, Bunny love, happy days! Now audiences just get pissed up on strong lager while they’re waiting for the lap dancers, it’s a bloody bear pit! I know how the Christians must have felt with those bloody lions! But on the bright side, Bunny love, it’s time for a drink; the sun must be over the yardarm somewhere in the world! He moves to the dressing table and opens a bottle of whisky, looks around for a glass, there isn’t one Sod it! He takes a long welcome drink from the bottle. He shudders Aaargh! He drinks again Oh doctor Jamieson, you know how to make a girl feel better!
from The Dressing Room
259 The Moorings, Dalgety Bay, Fife, KY11 9GX. ©
2001 Spotlight Publications.
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