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MOTHER GOOSE
By Richard Coleman A new take on a popular favourite by a new writer. A gag a minute (or more!) from a writer renowned for his quirky sense of humour.
PLOT RESUME
Mother Goose is due to be evicted from her cottage by local squire Blackburner, though her son Jimmy is head-over-heels in love with the Squire's daughter Jill. MG acquires a goose called Petunia which she soon discovers to her amazement lays golden eggs. Now fabulously wealthy, Mother Goose enters into a pact with evil wizard Balthazar that in return for the Goose, she will receive youth and beauty. However in the end she finds that happiness is more than wealth or youthful beauty and everything turns out well (of course).
| CAST 3 MALE 3 FEMALE
14 M/F PARTS |
| MAIN PARTS |
Squire Blackburner
Lady Blackburner, his wife
Jill Blackburner, his daughter (PG)
Mother Goose, Dame
Jimmy Goose, Mother Goose’s son (PB) |
Balthazar the Demon
Snitch & Snatch, the Squire’s butlers
Fumble the Wizard , Jill’s uncle
Toxic & Lethal, Balthazar’s helpers |
| SMALLER PARTS |
Petunia Goose (non-speaking)
Queen of The Well
Fleapit the Dog
plus seven bit-part villagers |
3 MAIN SETS
Production notes inc FX and musical numbers suggested.
SET PIECES
The Magic Well
Magic tricks
Script Sample - The Squire Enter Squire and Lady
Lady You two, what are you doing?
Hilly (swinging round, he hits Snatch with the maypole) Who said that?
Willy Watch out!
Hilly (he swings back and hits Squire) Sorry!
Lady Watch out, you're a menace with that thing. Put it down.
Hilly Yes m'Lady.
Squire Now listen everybody. (To Audience)…and you lot. Gather round. Milly take notes.
Milly What with?
Squire Where's your pencil?
Milly I haven't got none, Squire.
Squire I've told you before Milly. I do not have a pencil, you do not have a pencil, he does not have a pencil. Do you understand?
Milly Yes Squire. So who has got all the pencils then?
Squire Look, are you any good at English?
Milly Yes and no.
Squire Yes and no?
Milly Yes, I'm no good at English.
Squire Oh Hilly you'll have to do it. Now gather round and listen carefully. (The crowd surge around him squashing him) Get back ! Get back!. Now just listen. Today is a very important day. It is the day of our annual Goose Fair, and I'm declaring it a National Holiday.
Crowd HURRAH!
Squire It's also the day when the rents are due.
Crowd GROAN!
Squire But you've all paid your rents.
Crowd HURRAH!
Squire Except one.
Crowd GROAN!
Squire Mother Goose. So if any of you see her, you can tell her from me, that unless she pays up today, she will be thrown out of her house.
Crowd "Shame","unfair" etc.
Squire I'll lock her up as well.
Willy What's the charge?
Squire No charge, it's all part of the service.
Crowd "Shame" etc.
Squire Oh shut up. This is a pantomime and the Squire always takes the Dame's cottage.
Billy That's really mean.
Squire I know,…and another thing while I'm here. Have you told her son to stop imitating me?
Silly Yes. I've told him to stop playing the fool.
Squire Look, you're the village idiot, not me, and I'll prove it.
Willy How?
Squire Which one is further away: Australia or the moon?
Willy The moon of course, everyone knows that.
Enter Snitch and Snatch
Squire Wrong. I can see the moon from my house! Right now Snitch and Snatch get the maypole ready for the dancing.
Squire and Lady exit
from Mother Goose,
Act 1 Scene 1
Script details
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