By Dave Buchanan
A wholly original story with a setting in the Scottish Highlands that is guaranteed to delight all lovers of panto.
"This is no re-hash of an old fairy story or folk tale but a refreshingly new concept ... and joyous family story.
... guaranteed to keep the audience in stitches. It's a must for societies looking afresh for a pantomime with a truly Scottish setting within which they will find myriad opportunity to implant local humour." -
Amateur Stage, June 1999
"... the characters are well written and the various scenes full of fun. Guaranteed to delight panto lovers."
- Scene, May 1999
"Just to let you know that we have got through three of our five performances (of "Stramash") and they have all gone really really well. People have said how much they have enjoyed it - more than a traditional one - because they don't know what is coming next! Everyone thinks that it is a really good script as well. We have performed NODA ones (amongst others) in the past and sometimes they have gone on too long (especially when you want to get plenty of songs and dances in as well). We liked having musical items suggested (although we did change some) and it was very useful having the sound effects and props listed at the back of the script.
I think my daughter has turned into a dog - she is enjoying playing Haggis so much - people think she has something which she presses to 'woof' but it is her own 'woof'!
I am playing Butt which is completely different for me, since I have always played principal boy or girl. I am enjoying this role very much along with a friend who is playing Ben. We have ginger wigs and tartan hats (we look really gormless) and everyone says we look like twins. Everyone says we are look really funny and are suited to the role (I'm not sure if that is a compliment or not!!!!!!)." - Mandy Stockton, Heckmondwike United Reform Church, Heckmondwike, West Yorkshire
PLOT RESUME
Billy Butler and his dog Haggis are hillwalking one day when they stumble across the ruins of an old abandoned village called Stramash. Given the chance of visiting the old village by Nutmeg, a passing gnome, Billy is transported back in time to 1850, and finds the villagers gripped by election fever.
One of the candidates is the Laird of Stramash, Sir Dick d'Astard-Leigh, a nasty piece of work, and when he is defeated by shopkeeper Donald McDonald, he vows vengeance.
The village rents are promptly doubled, and the villagers' only recourse is to approach the Laird directly. New Provost McDonald, plus his daughter Flora, Billy Butler and Dame Mairi Gould, are detailed to go to Stramash Castle to protest.
The only thing is.... Stramash Castle is rumoured to be haunted!
The scene is set for an extended sequence of comic horror and special effects that will have the audience gripping their seats in suspense and their sides with laughter as the goodies take on the rascally Sir Dick and seek to thwart his evil schemes!
Other highlights include a hilarious picnic on the Bonny Banks of Lochnagar which rouses a certain Beastie from the loch's depths...
| CAST 4 MALE 3 FEMALE
4 M/F PARTS |
| MAJOR |
Billy Butler (PB)
Nutmeg the Gnome
Donald MacDonald (Provost)
Mairi Gould (Dame) |
Flora McDonald (PG)
Sir Dick d'Astard-Leigh (Laird)
Butt and Ben (Laird's henchmen) |
| MINOR |
Haggis (dog)
Hamish & Morag (village children)
Supermutt (dog) |
3 MAIN SETS
Production notes inc FX and musical numbers suggested.
SET PIECES
A mock election
A Loch Ness Monster sequence
An extended haunted castle scene which is a riot of special FX and comic invention.
Script Sample - The Laird of Stramash
The candidates and their supporters are assembled in the village square for a pre-election address
NUTMEG Hello, boys and girls! It’s me, Nutmeg, again, this time wearing my other cap as the Town Crier of Stramash. And in the next bit I interview the candidates and give them a really hard time - do a Jeremy Paxman! Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I present the first candidate for the post of Provost of Stramash - Donald McDonald!
Donald, flanked by Mairi, Hamish and Morag, enters from the shop to moderate applause and stands Right Centre. They are all sporting huge rosettes. Hamish and Morag have banners inscribed “Vote for Donald”
And now, I present the second candidate - Sir Richard d’Astard-Leigh, the Laird of Stramash!
There is a smattering of applause, but no one appears
Where is he? This is most irregular -
The Laird’s henchmen, Butt and Ben, appear L
BUTT It’s all right, pal, we’ll take over.
NUTMEG But -
BEN Don’t worry, mate.
They take up a position DC
BUTT Lights!
FX: Lights flash, strobes searchlights effect
BEN Music!
FX: Cue music “The Eye of the Tiger”
BUTT All the way from Stramash Castle-
BEN Weighing in at 175 pounds -
BUTT Wearing a gold lame and black outfit (or whatever) -
BEN The undisputed master of Stramash and District -
BUTT Even more popular than Tony Blair -
BEN And twice as good-looking -
BUTT The Laird -
BEN - of Stramash!
FX: A spotlight follows the Laird from the back of the hall right down to the front. He enters like a boxer, a towel on his head, and his hands on the shoulders of a second
BUTT)
BEN) Let’s RUMBLE!
The whole chorus, with the exception of Donald’s party, boogeys to the rhythm of the music. As the Laird reaches the stage, he pretends to duck under the ropes, and walks about ducking and weaving and taking the cheers. He has an enormous rosette. Butt steps forward and brings both candidates into the centre
BUTT Now, listen, boys, I want a good clean fight. When I say “break” I want you to break. Now go back to your corners and come out fighting.
Nutmeg steps forward
NUTMEG Just a minute. This has gone far enough. Now, Your Lairdship, you should really know better.
SIR DICK Quite right, Crier. Just a slight diversion for the punters, so to speak. Carry on with the proceedings.
NUTMEG Thank you, Your Lairdship. Now, I call upon Donald McDonald, to speak first.
Donald comes forward to moderate applause
DONALD Friends, Romans and -
He catches sight of Mairi shaking her head
DONALD I mean, friends and Stramashers. You know me.
CROWD We know!
DONALD You know what I’ve done for Stramash.
CROWD We know.
DONALD You know I’m a bit of a plodder, but I’m straight and honest and decent.
SIR DICK And dull.
VILLAGER What’s your policy on the environment?
DONALD I’m for it! And -er, stamp out midgies!
Cheers
MAIRI Get your tubes of repellent from my shop!
DONALD So vote for me, and keep Stramash - -er, just the way it is!
Moderate applause
NUTMEG Now for the second candidate. The Laird of Stramash!
Tumultuous applause, most of it not from the crowd. The Laird makes a cutting motion and it stops at once
SIR DICK Citizens of Stramash. Are you fed up of the present dull and boring regime ? (“Yes!”) Do you want a change? (“Yes!”) Are you ready for a change? (“Yes!”) Well I’m your man. (“Yes!”) If you vote for me, I’ll reduce taxes by half! (“Yes!”) I’ll cut your rents by the same amount! (“Yes!”)
More tumultuous applause, which the Laird “cuts”
There’s more. Let us not forget the boys and girls. Longer school holidays and shorter hours. More pocket money. More sweeties!
At a sign from the Laird, Butt and Ben distribute sweets to the chorus and to the audience
You’ve heard of New Labour. Well, this is New Lairddom. Or better, still, the Fun Party! Come on, let’s Conga!
To the music of “The Conga”, the chorus follows behind the Laird, Butt and Ben once round the stage, and then out through the auditorium
from A-Haunting We Will Go!,
Act 1 Scene 2
Originally entitled "Stramash - A Highland Fantasy", the pantomime was premiered simultaneously at Kinlochbervie, Sutherland by Kinlochbervie Players and at Campbeltown by Accent Players, on December 1st 2000.
Our thanks to Accent Players, and to Tighnabruaich Players, for pictures of their productions in 2000 and 2002 respectively.
Script details
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STRAMASH