OUT OF TUNE
A new comedy by Mark Edwards set in 1940 for two men and two women.
Plot Summary
Socialite Victor’s plans for a night out and dinner with Daphne are interrupted then shattered by the arrival first of Dobbs, a wireless repairman with a penchant for limericks, and second of Mrs Troggs, the cleaning lady.
ISBN 1 904930 69 7
Approx. 35 minutes
| CAST TWO MEN TWO WOMEN
|
VICTOR ST JOHN SMYTHE, man-about-town
DAPHNE, Victor's girlfriend, socialite
|
STANLEY DOBBS, wireless repairman
MRS DEIRDRE TROGGS, cleaning lady
|
SET
Victor's flat
TIME - 1940
DURATION - approx. 30 minutes
Script Sample - Enter Dobbs and Troggs
Victor (He moves closer to her) That night on the balcony at that fabulous hotel in Monte Carlo…you looked divine.
Daphne You were so charming, sophisticated and suave.
Victor We talked until the sun rose over the harbour. You looked so delightful, brighter and more alluring than the stars.
They move together
But you’ve never looked more gorgeous than you do tonight ...
They are about to kiss when the doorbell rings
(Standing up, annoyed) Who can that be at this time of night?!
He answers the door to a man carrying a small bag. Stanley Dobbs is perpetually cheerful and has the habit of finishing other people’s sentences for them
Dobbs (cheerily) Good evening. Stanley Dobbs, Westminster Wireless Company.
Victor stares blankly at him
Daphne Who is it, darling?
Dobbs (checking the piece of paper in his hand) I do have the right address, don’t I, sir? Flat 6, Imperial Court; Mr Victor St. John Smith? (He pronounces it ‘Saint John Smith’)
Victor (irritated) It’s St John Smythe, actually!
Dobbs Is it? Sorry about that, sir. The depot must have given me the wrong address; they’re always doing that.
Victor No, it’s is the right address, but my name is pronounced St John Smythe.
Dobbs St John Smythe, yes, of course, sir. Well, well! (Chuckling) You learn something new every day, don’t you? Can I come in, sir?
Victor But it’s nearly eight o’clock! I happen to be entertaining and my friend and I are about to go out to dinner.
Dobbs About to go out to dinner, yes, sir I can see that. (He glances over Victor’s shoulder) Good evening, miss.
Daphne (icily) Good evening.
Dobbs Yes, I’m sorry it’s a bit late, sir; my van broke down just outside Slough. Had to get a bloke in from the local garage to fix it. Took him hours! Perhaps you’d like me to come back another time?
Victor (hastily) No, no! I’ve already waited weeks to have that blasted wireless repaired! You’d better come in.
Dobbs Better come in, yes, thank you, sir.
Dobbs enters the flat
Victor You’ll find it over ...
Dobbs Over here, sir?
He walks over to the radio
Oh, you’ve got a beauty there, sir! A Baronni Maxvalve! Don’t see many of those about, sir. I don’t know how I’d manage without the wireless, myself. Listen to it all the time, I do! I love that show ‘ITMA’, you know ‘It’s that Man Again’ with that Tommy Handley, marvellous! Never miss it! And that Mrs. Mop! She absolutely finishes me when she says ...
Mrs Troggs enters
Mrs Troggs Can I do you now, sir?!
Dobbs (his back to the door) That was just like her, sir, and I didn’t even see your lips move!
Victor Mrs. Troggs! What on earth are you doing here?!
Mrs Troggs Well, you see, Mr. St John Smythe, I can’t come round tomorrow morning because I’m down the doctor’s with me feet. So I thought, well, Mr. St John Smythe won’t want me to miss a Thursday, him being so particular like, and with that nice Miss Albury coming round, so I says to meself, I’ll come round tonight instead. So here I am.
Victor Well, couldn’t you have telephoned?!
Mrs Troggs (stating the obvious) Well, couldn’t do that, could I , sir? As you don’t have a telephone, do you?!
Daphne Yes, he does! (Pointing imperiously) What’s that over there?!
They all look at the phone
Dobbs It’s a telephone, all right, I can vouch for that, having used a few in my time.
Victor (ignoring Dobbs) Well, Mrs Troggs?
Mrs Troggs Oh, yes, sir, I got that the wrong way round, didn’t I? It’s me who doesn’t have a telephone, not you. I knew it was one of us!
from Out Of Tune
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