A
modern Scots comedy in one act. Dave Buchanan's new play is an often hilarious and keenly-observed story of two pensioners, George and Willie, and their adventures on the seafront when they are given the chance to go on a nostalgic trip "doon the watter".
PLOT RESUME
George and Willie arrive on the promenade of Rothesay. The organiser of the trip, Miss Cahn, is determined that the two OAPs shall take part in all the activities including bingo, but George and Willie are equally determined to do their own thing. The scene is set for a series of incidents involving amongst other things the Salvation Army, and rich comic dialogue as the two oldsters reflect on life and the world as they see it.
| CAST
3 MALE 1 FEMALE 1 M/F PARTS |
| MAJOR |
MINOR |
George (a pensioner)
Willie (a pensioner) |
A deckchair attendant (male, youngish)
A Salvation Army officer (male/female, any age)
Miss Cahn (trip organiser, female, fifties) |
1 SET
A beach with steps leading down from a promenade, and two deckchairs.
TIME - late
1990s
DURATION - approx. 30 minutes
Script Sample - The Faux Pas
George and Willie are seated on deckchairs having their packed lunches.
Suddenly George sees something on the beach
GEORGE Look, Willie, over there. There's people paddling in the water.
WILLIE O aye.
GEORGE Two women. They look familiar. (Stands) O Jesus!
WILLIE What is it, Geordie?
GEORGE I think it's - (spluttering) no, it can't be. It is! It's Mrs Jessop and Miss Mutch! O no!
WILLIE What's wrong, Geordie?
GEORGE Don't let them see me, Willie! I'm going to hide!
He hides behind Willie's deckchair
Duck down, Willie. Don't let them see you.
WILLIE Och, Geordie -
GEORGE Our only hope is that they're as blind as bats. O they're looking our way.
Willie holds up his newspaper. Eventually, George peeks out again
They seem to be going. O thank you, Lord. I owe You one.
He goes round to his deckchair and sits
Phew, that was a close one. Willie, you've no idea how disastrous that could have been.
WILLIE Do you not like Miss Mutch or Mrs Jessop, Geordie?
GEORGE It's not that, Willie. The trouble is, I made a faux pas on Tuesday night at the ballroom dancing. I actually refused Miss Mutch a dance. Well, I mean, why not? Women have been doing it for yonks. But I had no idea what was to follow. In a word, all hell broke loose. Miss Mutch burst into tears, and I could hear a gasp of horror round the hall. Miss Cahn went ballistic, and later she virtually threatened to have me blacklisted if I didn't go and apologise. Which of course I did not! I mean, it's a matter of principle, Willie. But the upshot is that things are a bit dodgy with me at the ballroom dancing. I am in the Evergreen Club doghouse.
WILLIE We're being learned a new dance next week, Geordie - the
cha-cha-cha-cha-cha.
GEORGE You've got too many cha-chas there, Willie. I'll teach you the Cha-cha-cha if you like. If you're in the mood, that is.
WILLIE What now, Geordie?
GEORGE Why not? There's nobody around. I'm game if you are.
WILLIE O Geordie, I couldn't.
GEORGE Come on, I'll show you.
He begins to whistle/hum "Tea For Two Cha-cha" and dances in time to the music
GEORGE See, it's easy-peasy.
from Doon the Watter
259 The Moorings, Dalgety Bay, Fife, KY11 9GX.
Tel: (01383) 825737 E-mail: enquiries@spotlightpublications.com
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